i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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