I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
