My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
