I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I need a beard to bite.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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