oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
