pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
