I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
