He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
