I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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