It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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