Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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