I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
