operation have a gay friend backfired
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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