I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
