what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize