So drunk its hurt
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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