Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
