That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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