I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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