I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize