My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
