tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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