Where did you get a picture of my penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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