How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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