google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize