she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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