just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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