please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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