I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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