He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
