who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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