maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
