its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
