He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
