did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
