"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's the barista slut.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
