kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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