In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
