I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
