We won't sleep together?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
