I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize