and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
