sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
