There was a lot of him and a little penis
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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