I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You're so nebulous sometimes
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
