A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
