Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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