i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
