what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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