he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
