dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
