Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
