Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
