She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
