If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
