she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
a search helicopter?!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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