I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
