Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
