Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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