I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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