Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Randomize
