Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
