You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
