yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you traded sex for a burrito?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
