sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
