9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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