Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
