and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
