I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
