I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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