I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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