My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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