I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You are the jesus of drinking
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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