sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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