She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
